Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I FOUND THE LEGS
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
