At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize