He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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