The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
