Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
