pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
