i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
