Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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