Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
