that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
