I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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