I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
NoShamevember. You game?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
