need another drink. this is the easiest way
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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