That's when you crack a 10am beer
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
