we have pet lesbian snakes
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
