So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
