I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
