she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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