Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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