Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
