there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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