I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize