Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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