Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
