Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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