did you get engaged???
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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