apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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