I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
