I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
