I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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