I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
