you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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