i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
