No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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