Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
