My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
