new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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