I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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