I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
