This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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