He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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