I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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