Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
