He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
