my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
