i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
