how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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