you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
