check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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