Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
