the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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