He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
