you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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