Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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