You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
