he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
