She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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