woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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