Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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