I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
