I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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