So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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