But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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