See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
