My room smells like vodka and shame
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I believe in your delicious
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
