I think i sorta joined a cult last night
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
