I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize