well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
