Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
